Throwing
Caution to the Thong
Old-fashioned values in Hoboken are in short supply Some say that we no longer have four seasons to enjoy in
New Jersey.
Yes, there is summer, there sure as hell is winter,
and fall is always a picturesque, pristine time to enjoy the wonders of the Garden State.
But the missing season, as previously noted in this space, is spring.
Its as if winter sticks around until mid-May: Temps
cant get anywhere near a level that doesnt require a coat, its always
depressing, and outdoor activities can only be found by looking at photo albums from the
Hunt eight months ago.
Then just like that the jump from misery to melting happens
virtually overnight: High temps in the 90s and humidity that doesnt vanish till
Halloween garb hangs in store windows.
The lack of moderation in the weather reminds me of the jump
that Hobokenites seem to be making when it comes expressing physical attraction. In this
context, the missing season called "moderation" parked between flirty
conversations and ravishing each other like sea otters has vanished as well.
Call the phenomenon "Box Spring".
Anyway, despite what my critics characterize as an omnipotent
tone regarding my obvious expertise on the topic of familiar relations between single
adults, Im here to admit that Im a bit surprised by the trend more people are
taking in terms of an expeditious route to Pleasure Town upon initial contact. Call it old
fashioned, but I am amazed to see the path of least resistance growingly embraced by
professional, attractive, responsible, ostensibly conservative women are taking when
quickly moving from sporting a turtleneck and holding a vodka tonic to total naked and
horizontal.
Yes, perhaps Im a bit too trustworthy when hearing a
girl state that shell make a guy "work" to be with her. I always assume
that "work" may mean perhaps some kissy face after a first date or bar
introduction, followed by another date that ends the same way, followed by maybe an invite
back to an apartment after a third date to "hang out" (but not stay over),
followed by, perhaps, a fourth date when a slumber party occurs but clothes still stay on
for the most part.
To be intimate and exposed is something that I assumed took
much consideration and time. Those who know me are laughing at this column right about
now, but even when I was the beneficiary of such trysts, it was still staggering that a
girl could be so comfortable in such a naked situation so quickly.
After all, Hoboken is supposed to be a place where the good
girls
the ones who would never do such a thing
would wait until an exclusive
relationship was established. But heres a perspective that is as close to a fact as
it comes: As we get older, the huge weight of the moment when it comes to sexand
especially when simply sharing a bed in a hook-up-but-no-sex scenariohas become as
weightless as an I-Pod. Somewhere along the line the original ceiling for what is morally
acceptable was crashed through, and once a self-imposed rule is broken, it very easy to
break again
And again
Until its forgotten that there was even a rule in the
first place.
And thats just the
"waiting-until-the-time-is-right" part.
The safe-sex era seems like a century ago, doesnt it?
AIDS?
Please.
When was the last time you saw anyone where a red ribbon at
an award ceremony? Fear is no longer within the thought process, particularly after two
bottles of wine after midnight.
Condoms are no longer the #1 candidate for subletting a top
dresser drawer, are they?
The pill, however, stands the test of time, but who can blame
a girl for forgetting to take it every day for the rest of their 20s and 30s? And after
beating the system so many times, like a person who drinks and drives but never gets
caught, both male and female begin to think that the unexpected pregnancy thing only
happens to those other irresponsible bed partners.
The sexual revolution of the 60s is alive and well again. And the
conservative sexual movement that scared the nation straight no longer exists.
As Pacino said in the Devils Advocate, "Freedom
baby
means never having to say youre sorry."
Just slept with someone you only kinda know after a night at
the Osprey or Green Rock?
No regrets, right?
Just as long no one knows that you're temping as a tramp,
that all makes it okay.
Does TV have influence? If Gossip Girl and repeats of Sex
and the City are programmed in the DVR, it may. The mantra on those shows, even for
the most responsible characters (DHs Teri Hatcher and SATCs Sarah Jessica
Parker), is that once a potential mate passes the smell test and ferments even a hint of
chemistry, its breakfast for two the following morning. Time and self-proclaimed
policies of "X" number of dates or meeting the parents (please) are hardly a
factor.
Hoboken itself may be the same way, and much of it may be due
to the fact that as rents skyrocket so does the average age makeup of the town.
Invariably, getting older and acting responsible go hand-in-hand, but when it comes to
intercourse, the opposite rules seem to reply as the birthdays begin to pile up.
"I used to think sex was a very big deal," an
ex-girlfriend once told me. "But now Im much more relaxed about it. It just
doesnt weigh on my conscience quite as much when it does happen with someone
Im not in love with yet."
Billy Crystal once said in When Harry Met Sally that
men dont need a time
just a place. If thats true, and if women are
thinking the same way as the opposite gender as they become more apathetic about the
ramifications of taking their clothes off, watch out.
There are currently over 110 million singles in the United States. The
dating industry is estimated at nearly $1.8 billion, according to a Lets Have
Lunch study, a professional dating service that studies the behaviors and
attitudes of single people. Buy the stock in jdate.com now, as the singles industry
is growing at an astonishing 25% clip annually as more people enjoy the wonders of casual
relationships that usually end as quickly as they begin.
A recent Playboy poll on dating characteristics as it
pertains to sex indicates that half of Americans (this was an international poll) expect
to have sex within the first month of dating. Applying logical math to this number, and it
translates into active slumber parties occurring around dates 3-5.
Do we really know a person well enough to be that intimate
within 30 days?
Is this the reason why so many relationships advance so
quickly in the flesh without allowing the emotional and personal intimacy to be working
parallel with it, ultimately dooming the partnership because expectations have been
expedited unfairly on one side or the other?
Has patience and prudent philosophies become passé, or has
it been this way for the past decade?
Since Im not an advocate of leaving open-ended
questions in any story, heres my analysis: College taught us that sharing a bed
isnt as big a deal as we thought it was in High School. The walk of shame was really
the walk of fame, particularly if friends approved of the match. Give most girls credit:
They are adept at keeping fuck buddies below the radar, even with their closest friends.
Hoboken is a college town in terms of applying the same
theory. Socializing and boozing are essentially the same as on campus. Yes, maybe at one
point staying over on a Saturday night meant a commitment was attached to it, but once
that expectation was dashed by more than a few men that are career-first, freedom-second
and relationships somewhere around six or seven on the charts, the hope became for women
that maybe something concrete could come out of performing acts before the time was
right, but after awhile, no one was holding their breath that holding hands and a Broadway
show would be the result.
And if nothing more than a quick scratch of the estrogen itch
came out of it, a good reputation was still kept in tact because of the
"Everybody-is-doing-it-why-not-me-too?" rule of thumb.
And so, I digress
Are the good girls still out there?
Sure.
But like warm spring days in April and May, they are becoming
more few and far between
Joe Concha is realhoboken.coms senior writer and a
champion of time-honored traditional values. Email him at joe.concha@foxnews.com
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