Parker House cards are black this year…

And the back deck has been expanded...

Just thought I’d share.

For those thinking about driving down to the shore this summer, think again.

With gas at $4.00 per gallon, a weekend at the shore when including the cost of a share will be about $550.00 per round trip…

Think about it:

$10.00 total for tolls.

$30.00 for round-trip gas.

$8.00 cover at Parker.

$8.00 cover at Edgar's.

Or $10.00 cover at Osprey.

At least $75.00 for food.

$200.00 for alcohol related activities.

Your share probably comes out to another $200.00 per weekend.

We’re not even including Sunday afternoon and evening expenses…

Or the cost of 36 Magnums, which is about $34.76 with tax...

Of course, you could save tons of dough like the proprietor of Hoboken411 by staying in and being Beth Mason’s personal PR machine…all while begging regularly in your public wish book that pot becomes legal one day.

As Dr. Evil said to Austin Powers, "There’s nothing more pathetic than an aging hipster."And you gotta love it when Perry Klaussen, who really believes that his site is the Meet the Press for Hoboken, reprimands local politicians for not completing their homework assignments for him.

Here's one recent example:

Last week Hoboken411 offered every Hoboken City Council member the opportunity to send an endorsement letter of up to 250 words in support of the candidate of their choice. Councilman Russo did not respond to that request, but anyone who drives by the Russo Civic Association at 420 Adams Street can tell exactly who he’s supporting.

Yeah Klaussen, the guy who you make fat jokes about while serving as a paid campaign spokesman for his political rivals is going to bow to your requests. I'd say you'd have to be high to subscribe to that kind of mindset, and in this case, the bong fits.

Speaking of gas and gasbags, things aren’t as bad in terms of what we pay at the pump compared to other countries. For instance:

Per gallon cost in the European Union: $8.54

The new Sex and the City movie comes out this Friday, and rest assured it will indeed suck.

And I was a fan of the show. Probably the most witty of any dialogue on television since Seinfeld. The chemistry of the cast was as good as we've ever seen too.

But remember the history of television shows that eventually become movies, and how much they blew. Here's a list of the top of the my head out of five stars.

The Dukes of Hazzard- 1 star (and it starred Stifler, the guy from Jackass, Turd Furgeson, and Yoko Romo)

Starsky and Hutch- 2.5 stars (decent lines, but the worst of the Vince Vaughn, Ben Stiller, insert Wilson brother movies)

Miami Vice- 0 stars. A classic example of a movie taking itself way too seriously.

The Flintstones- Five syllables: RO-SIE O-DON-NELL.

Bewitched- Will Ferrell's worst career decision outside of Semi-Pro.

Scooby Doo- Two basic rules to follow: When considering any movie, look who's starring in it. For example, if Christian Bale or Cate Blanchett is in it, chances are it will be outstanding. If Gwyenth Paltrow, Freddie Prince Jr., Sarah Jessica Parker, or Jake Gyllenhall as the headliners, you just wasted $12.00 and two hours of your time. And don't even get me started about Iron Man...that will be forgotten as quickly as the third Pirates of the Caribbean was last year...a movie that shattered box office records based on hype and being the first movie out there for summer. That said, Freddie Prince was in Scooby Doo, where he met the long-forgotten Sarah Michele Gellar.

The Real Cancun- MTV actually thought that fans of the Real World would run out to pay to see what they basically see on somewhat-free cable TV. The strategy was to add some naked fun bags and f-bombs, and the rest would be talked about when laughing on the way to the bank. But consumers won't cough up any dough for (a) What they've already seen 100 times on television, and (b) seeing things like perky breasts and hearing folks swear like a teamster. I would venture to say that a bleeped-out expletive on FCC-policed television is more effective.

End result: The film grossed $10 million total and was out of theaters in three weeks.

So while The Daily News and The New York Post will make you believe that Sex and the City will be the summer's biggest non-action movie, think again. It will do great in New York and well across the nation in its first weekend in general, but if following the Sarah Jessica Parker rule (Failure to Launch, State and Main, The Family Stone, Striking Distance) combined with the TV-to-movie mantra, it is therefore impossible for this to be watchable. And after three weeks, it will be labeled a huge disappointment.

In a related story, HBO has taken away one of my Sunday night traditions by pushing Entourage's return to September. For four years since 2004, the best show on television (with all due respect to Lost) was as much a part of summer as baseball and Corona. Ratings are higher in the fall, however, and with The Sopranos gone and Curb missing in action since Larry became a part of the Black family, it can't afford to be wasted during the summer. In other words, it got too popular.

I always enjoy going to Movies Under the Stars at Pier A Park, but outside of Juno there really isn't a good flick on the list this year. Who wants to see Michael Moore tout the Cuban and French socialist health care systems on a warm night in late June in Sicko?

By the way, where the hell is my girl Rachel McAdams and what have you done with her?

No movies since Wedding Crashers, right?

Wasn't that three years ago?

As predicted in this very column well before it became fashionable to do so back in December, the race for the Presidency will come down to John McCain and Barack Obama. It will be interesting to see what happens when Obama is actually asked to provide substance outside of speeches filled with words like hope, change, Bush sucks, change, and, um, change.

Note to Barack: I don't want change.

I want improvement.

And if much higher taxes, pulling out of Iraq too soon when conditions are drastically improving (lowest violence levels in four years there now due to the surge), and speaking to nations that sponsor terror and threaten to annihilate our best allies without asking for any preconditions for such talks is your cup of tea, then Obama should have your vote.

As for the whole argument of his bringing the nation together, look no further than the state of the now-divided Democrat party as a preview of things to come.

The fact is, John McCain has been more bipartisan than anyone in the Senate. He's worked with Democrats and has the bills with his name on them to prove it over the past 24 years in office.

For all the Obamaniacs out there, name one bill he's sponsored.

Or even supported.

The bottom line is that Obama couldn't find the men's room in the Senate chamber without a GPS system. He's been there for one year and running for President the rest of his term.

But he sure does give a hell of a speech, so let's elect him and see how it goes...

The Yankees are in last place as I write this.

Their pitching outside of Rasner and Wang is nothing more than batting practice.

Giambi's weight is exactly his average as I write this (235).

And Girardi? Let's just say I'm thrilled to see my Cubs chose Sweet Lou Pinella over that robot.

Is it just me, or does the Celtics-Pistons series feel like a regular season game in January with Stu Scott hosting the pregame and Mike Breen doing play-by-play?

When Marv Albert does the Western Conference Finals on TNT, it feels like a big sporting event.

When ESPN does the ECF, it feels like a circus.

Note to the Worldwide Leader in Sports: Pretty please hire Marv. It really does matter to fair-weather fans, I swear.

Getting back to the shore, here's a plug worth putting into your phone:

Let's say it's a Friday/Saturday/Sunday night and you're still hanging out at the house with your sharemates in Belmar/Spring Lake/Sea Girt/Manasquan before going out. Everyone is already overserved and there are only two beers left in the fridge and a bottle of Popov Vodka in a plastic bottle on the counter with no mixers in sight. You're already thinking ahead to the post-Edgar's/Osprey/Leggett's/Porch party back at the house but no one is in any condition to drive out and get the necessary alcohol-based reinforcements.

Got that cell phone ready?

Call 732-449-7090 (Spring Lake Liquors). Tell them Joe Concha sent you and get free ice with your free delivery. They'll get anything you need in a reasonable amount of time up until 10:00 PM. You drink, they drive the liquor to you. Everybody wins.

Happy summer...you can thank me later.

Joe Concha is Realhoboken.com's Senior Writer and professional garage sale hunter at the Jersey Shore. Email question, comments and the usual insults to joe.concha@foxnews.com or use the message board on the homepage.