The lighting at the Bates motel was notoriously dim

We've all been there.  At least, those of us that have a borderline drinking problem have been there. You wake up after a night of partying feeling rested and reassured that the person laying next to you is a total babe (or stud), only to find out (cue the music from "Psycho") that he or she is actually twisted, funhouse-mirror version of the person you had pictured in your head.

This phenomenon, known colloquially as "beer goggles," may not be anything new. But sometimes you think to yourself: "Hey, I wasn’t that drunk last night? How could this happen?"

Well, my friend, you may have just been 10^th and Willowed.

Don't get me wrong…10th and Willow is one of my favorite Hoboken bars with its hip crowd, succulent food and sexy lighting. But that sexy lighting may be covering up your not-so-sexy hook-up. Much like the "two-face" girl Jerry dated in "Seinfeld," some patrons unwittingly canoodle with someone they think they are physically attracted to only to find out how wrong they were in the cold, bright streetlights outside.

Anybody who goes to 10th and Willow on a regular basis can tell you that it has more than its fair share of sexy people of both genders. But if you've choked down one Jaeger bomb too many in the darkness that engulfs the place, you may be familiar with something that has happened to local party animal and fifth ward resident, Scotty.

Bad lighting on the porch

"We were getting along great, laughing and having a good time," Scotty explains. "At the end of the night, I went to walk her home, got into the streetlight, and everything went out the window.

"While we were talking I was thinking, ‘this is too good to be true.’ Turns out I was right."

Not wanting to be rude, Scotty got the young lady’s number, and even went on a couple of dates with her, being that he’s not totally shallow. But the initial shock of being 10^th and Willowed meant the relationship was doomed from the start.

Scotty ponders how his night went awry

"I’m not saying I’m the best-looking guy in the world," Scotty admits. "But when you’re talking to someone face to face, there’s a certain expectation that you know what that person looks like. Coming out into the light really just threw off my whole perspective."

If this was an isolated incident, I wouldn’t feel so bad for Scotty. But it happened to the poor guy again about a month later when he went out with his roommate, Jim. They met these two girls in the dark abyss that is the back room at 10^th and Willow on a weeknight. The four of them hit it off, and agreed to meet at the more well-lit Shannon that Saturday.

What resulted was embarrassing for both parties. "We were with friends and I kept telling them about how these two cute girls we met during the week were coming to meet us," Scotty recalls. "When they got here, I pointed them out, and my friend Ron just kept asking ‘Where?’ It was a disaster."

Of course, people get 10^th and Willowed at other bars as well (it just doesn’t have the same ring to it). Some female acquaintances of mine have reported, on the condition of anonymity, of being Willy McBrided and even Rogoed. It seemed harder during the course of my research to find women willing to admit that bad lighting had turned their Colin Farrell into Colin Quinn.

There is research to support my dark-bar theory, however. That’s right; realhoboken.com isn't the only news outlet to comment on this effect. BBC News ran a story about a study done by the University of Manchester, where researcher Nathan Efron said that there was more than slugging some warm pints of Newcastle contributing to beer goggles.

"The beer goggles effect isn't solely dependent on how much alcohol a person consumes, there are other influencing factors at play too," Efron told the BBC. "For example, someone with normal vision, who has consumed five pints of beer and views a person 1.5 metres away in a fairly smoky and poorly lit room, will score 55, which means they would suffer from a moderate beer goggle effect." 

Can I offer you ladies a cocktail?

Not sure why they needed a study to prove that being wasted in the dark can impair your vision, but there you have it. Come to think of it, I’m writing a story that’s kind of doing the same thing.

Nevertheless, be warned residents of Hoboken, or anywhere where people scream pick-up lines over loud music through the darkness. Ladies, keep the lighting in mind next time you decide to accept that drink offer. And fellas, if you’re wondering why that girl actually told you her sign when you asked, you might want to use your cell phone as a flashlight for a second.

Beauty may be only skin deep, but having the old switcharoo pulled on you can cut like a knife.